We don't always know why people come into out lives. And sometimes we don't realize how special someone is until after they've left. Some people have a powerful hold on us. They make us open our eyes to things we've never thought of, ideas, beliefs and views on the world. We've had two nanny's so far with our 9 month old daughter. The first left us, due to a serious injury, after two months, the second after almost four. It was our second nanny that brightened my day each time she showed up to work. Her faith is a powerful burst of postive energy that surrounds her and made me realize how much I not only missed being connected to God, but how lost I am without Him in my life. I've had many people enter my life who've had special relationships with God. I didn't have the level of understanding that I do now in order to appreciate their love and connection. It's only now that I realize how God has tried to re-enter my life through these people so many times in the past, and I've closed the door on Him. God brought this person into my life at just the right time. She showed an amazing love for my daughter and became not only a wonderful nanny, but a great friend. She starts summer classes next week and her schedule does not match my work schedule, which forced us to look for a new nanny.  We hired her friend, hoping they are much the same, but knowing she's irreplaceable. I hope to continue our friendship and continue on the path that she's led me to. I hope to end up where she is someday. To know God the way she does. To share the love and compassion for others in the same way. To open my heart to others, to forgive, to end the worry and accept faith. I've been sad since she left, and I haven't yet figured out why. If it's that I know that no other nanny could love my daughter the way she did, or if it's that I won't be able to have the great conversations that I had each morning and evening or if it's that I feel I've lost more than a great nanny. It was only a few short months, but she really felt like part of the family and will be missed as such.

Almost 8 Months

It's hard to believe, it always is, how quickly time passes. I've really enjoyed these past 8 months though - despite sleepless nights (almost every night), lots of crying, mounds of dirty diapers, and hundreds of loads of laundry. I spent four of those months home with the baby and the next four working three days a week at the office and two days a week from home. I've watched my beautiful baby girl make huge developmental steps from rolling over, to rolling back and forth, to dragging herself, to crawling, to pulling herself up and now pulling herself up on furniture and able to stand with one arm free and sometimes both for a brief moment.  It's amazing to think we all start out this small. We come into the world open to learn and accept new things and discover our world. I find it amazing to watch each time I see her realize how things work. She tries to open the flaps on each page of the book we read each night before bed. She repeats opening and closing things, turns books and blocks over back and forth analyzing each, trying to understand how they work. She has impressive motor skills for her age. I can't wait to hear her talk. I know she has so much to say - if only I could hear her now. I look forward to taking her to the beach for the first time this summer, sharing future vacations with her, reading to her before bedtime, teaching her how to read, how to play sports, how to ride a bike. There's so much to look forward to. I want to be there for every moment, every new discovery, every step she takes.

Septemer 19th

Well, it finally happened. I'm holding my sweet little baby in my arms. She's so much more than I ever imagined she'd be.

Week...40

Well, I really didn't think it would ever get here - at least not in the way it has.  I'm still pregnant - still going strong.  Baby must really like her home.  A happy, warm, comfortable place, sheltered from the big world.  I guess I can't blame her.  If she's not ready, that's fine.  I can wait.  But not forever.  I've been ready for her for weeks.  I've cleaned the house over and over again.  I've organized and reorganized...and reorganized again.  Everything is ready and in place for her arrival.  I keep getting contractions every night followed by cramping and pains, and I think she's got to be coming soon.  But by the moring, I feel great again, so who knows.  Tomorrow is her due date.  Wonder if she's waiting until she was told? 

It's the 8th...already

For the past 5 months, I've really felt like today was going to be the day. My husband picked today in his office pool, and after he had done so and without knowing that he even had an office pool, I told him I thought she was going to come on September 8th. That we had coincidentally picked the exact same day further solidified my belief that she would come today. So, I'm a bit disappointed that at 3pm this afternoon, I am still not feeling like she's going to be coming anytime soon. Not because my husband won't be able to add his winnings to our baby girls college education fund, but more that I had just really been set on this day. Now I'm a bit worried that she will arrive on September 11th. And if she does, I guess that's fine - it will be her special day. But her special day will then be shared with millions of people who will be morning the loss of family, friends and acquaintances who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. It’s strange that I have been seeing 9:11 on the clock every day, twice a day for the past year. Maybe it’s a sign? Or maybe I, along with many others, now recognize the significance of this time as it stands out more than any other. And at this time I’m usually arriving to work in the morning and watching TV, reading or on the internet at night where I often check the time. Anyway, to try to let my body know I am ready for my baby girl to be born, I have tried a number of different possible induction methods. I had already planned on making eggplant parmesan last night, which was interestingly enough on the list, tried sex, went for long walks, ate Indian for lunch today, had a mango smoothie? She’s obviously just not ready to come out. I’m so anxious! I guess that’s normal. I’m ready to hold my little girl in my arms and love her so much.

I've been waiting months for this day and now that it's here, I can hardly believe it. Life seems so surreal right now. I know that I have a baby moving inside me - I feel her hiccups and her kicks all the time. But am I really going to be a mommy? Have I really been married for two years? Am I really going to be 27 in another month? How did I get here? And where am I going from here? If so much has happened in the past two years, what's going to happen in the next two? I hope everything that happens is as wonderful as it's been. I pray that my family remains healthy and strong and that we continue to be blessed. We are so fortunate to have all that we do - each other, good jobs, a nice house, amazing families that love and support us. We are so fortunate to be having this child - and baby is very fortunate to have found us. We have so much love to give and will provide her with everything she needs to grow, learn and succeed in this world.

Are we there yet?

Thirty-nine weeks today.  I was hoping she would come sometime this week.  Tomorrow would be wonderful, but I guess I'm willing to wait until she's ready:)  I had a lot of pressure and sharp nerve pains Friday through Sunday.  My discomfort lessened as the weekend went on.  I was sure she was going to come in the next couple of days after experiencing such pressure and pains on Friday evening, but no such luck.  She's comfy, I guess.  I trust that my body and baby know best when they will be ready for her come out.  I felt pretty well rested after sleeping in each day through this long weekend, but last night I woke up twice and couldn't get back into a deep sleep.  I feel good today, but a bit tired.  I want to make sure I'm well rested the day I go into labor, but obviously, I don't have much control over that.  I guess the real countdown has begun.  Only one week until my due date!

38 Weeks & Counting

Anxious, excited, tired, READY.  I'm hoping to meet my baby girl next week.  I want to hold this little squiggle worm and kiss her and love her.  I'm ready, when will she be?!  It's like waiting for Christmas when you're 5.  I want to treasure every day of my life that is about to change forever, but I'm just so anxious to meet her.