New Life Soon to Follow a Life Lost

My best friend lost her husband in his battle against cancer this weekend. He was diagnosed in December, received a stem cell transplant in April and passed away August 29th. My friend is left with 3 year old twins, who will never truly know their father. It reminds us how uncertain life is and how we really need to appreciate everything we have while we have it.


While one very important life is now gone from this world, a new life is in its final stage and about ready to join us in this uncertain world of ours. I really felt like baby was going to come a week early for the past couple months. Although she is on the move down towards the exit route, I don’t really feel like my body is ready to let her out. Last night it seemed as though she was going to push her way out through my stomach, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to work as well as she may think. I’m having a hard time sleeping and feel pretty uncomfortable when I wake up throughout the night. I feel like I shrunk a bit, but that may be because she’s lower now. I’m so uncomfortable in my chair at work. I may consider working from home a bit these next couple weeks since I don’t want to take off yet. The last thing I want to do is sit at home and twiddle my thumbs until she’s ready. I can’t wait to meet this little girl though. I wonder if she’ll be as active out of the womb as she’s been in? Will she have green eyes or brown? Will she look more like me or her dad? Or both? Will she be a happy baby? I hope my body has done a good job in preparing her for the world. There’s no doubt that her daddy and I will do our best in raising our daughter once she’s here.

37 Weeks...Full-Term

We made it, baby and I, full term this week. I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping as well, but I guess that's to be expected. I'd like to try to get as much sleep as possible these last few weeks, but I guess my body would rather I get used to this feeling of sleep deprivation. It would be different if I didn't have to get up and work a full day. Luckily, I don't have to perform any manual labor, so I'll stop complaining. I was about to start listing off all the things that I haven't been able to do for the past 9 months, but instead, I think I'll list some things that I have experienced. The excitement of learning about how my baby is developing inside of me, learning to appreciate my changing body (by the way, Earth Mama Angel Baby Lotion and Oil is AMAZING), being able to appreciate walking in place of my daily lifting and cardio routines, a voluminous body of hair, appreciating quick jaunts to local destinations such as the Finger Lakes, Skyline Drive, VA, and Ocean City, MD, as opposed to our normal exotic vacation destinations and most importantly, being able to feel my baby kicking and getting hiccups – I'm amazed every time. 

I really can't complain though, mainly because I have quite a few friends who are having a hard time getting pregnant. And these friends would all make wonderful parents. I can't imagine how frustrating and disappointing it must be each month to find out you're not pregnant when you're wanting so badly to be. Or worse, finding out that it's just not possible.  I'm so blessed to have been given this experience.  Even though the last 9 months haven't been the most exciting (in the way of travel or daily activities) or the most comfortable, I feel so lucky to have my baby girl growing inside of me and now about ready to join our family in this world.  Our lives will never be the same again.  We will never be just the two of us.  We've been blessed with a new family member to teach and love, and I can't put into words how incredible and amazing this feels.  I know that there's some serious pain ahead, but I pray that God will be with me through it and help me to focus my energy on birthing my baby naturally because I know that this pain will lead to the most amazing joy I will ever feel in my life.

Not a 5 Start Resort

Yesterday, Monday, August 16th, we celebrated our second anniversary. It was a perfect day - minus the pains I was experiencing throughout the day. We had lunch together, a wonderful dinner and our last baby class. We toured the hospital and were given last words and a completion certificate from our childbirth educator. So I guess we're now certified to labor and care for a child. I wonder if we need to present this to the hospital staff in order to leave? Today is 36 weeks, so only 4 weeks (or less, and preferably not more) left. Looking around at all the other mommy’s to be in the class, I felt pretty good. I’m not too big – yet. I’m carrying all the baby weight in my belly – so far. And I’m feeling pretty good – considering. I hope labor goes well. I have this perfect idea of how it will go – labor at home for as long as possible, head to the hospital labor without drugs, push out a healthy baby girl without the need for an episiotomy and any other medical interventions, have baby placed on me immediately, and nurse as soon as possible. Most women say this is a dream…I’m hoping it’s reality.

Cute Little Baby Face

So amazing. My beautiful healthy little baby’s cute face on the screen. We went in for an ultrasound because for the past couple visits, baby has been measuring a bit small. But the good news is baby is completely healthy and normal. She must have sunk in to my pelvis – I guess she’s about ready to enter the world and become our daughter. It was so amazing to be able to see her so clearly. We could see her cute little lips moving open and closed. She even shared with us her thoughts on how the ultrasound was going – by giving us the finger. Yeah, she’s got attitude already. Being able to see her today will provide me with even more courage and energy to bring her into the world. My husband and I are in love with her already. On the way back to the office, my husband said “It’s already done. I can’t say no. She can have whatever she wants. I’ll just have to say – talk to your mother.” And so it begins.

Coming to a Close

You know how when you're reading a really good book and you can't wait to get to the next chapter?  You turn the pages as fast as you can, wanting to know what's next!  There are now only a few more pages left in this chapter of my life and then on to a new one expected to be even more exciting. It’s hard to think about it that way – it makes it so much more real. My husband and I have been married for two years and for the past four plus it’s been us. We’ve taken at least two vacations every year, visited Florida, California twice, the Caribbean, Colorado, Vegas, New York, and taken many quick getaways. We’ve done what we’ve wanted, when we wanted and bought what we’ve wanted when we’ve wanted. For the past 8 months, our focus has already turned to baby. We only took one vacation – a ski trip to Crested Butte, which I didn’t even bother skiing because I was afraid to take any risks. I can hardly count that as a vacation, but it was a get-away. I have avoided any activity with risk – although I have continued to exercise the entire time. I also watch what I eat and try to provide baby with the best and safest foods. I think about baby all day ever day and plan for her arrival constantly. I’m always researching the best baby products, trying to figure out what she needs. I want to be completely prepared. I want her to have the best of everything. Instead of buying new clothes and jewelry, I’m obsessing over which reusable diapers will be the softest and most absorbent (fuzzibunz is the current winner, in case you’re wondering). Instead of researching our next travel destination, I’m researching how to prepare for labor and how to care for newborns.

I’m not afraid of labor, and I’m not nervous about being a mother. But I am worried about the impact baby will have on my relationship with my husband. Throughout the pregnancy, it’s gotten harder and harder to be intimate. It’s not that we’re not happy and in love. I’m still in love with him and can’t wait for him to be a father, but part of me just wants things to be the same as they were before. I want to come home and snuggle up in my husband’s lap, fall asleep nestled in his arms and have him pick me up and give me a tight hug. I want to know that I’ll get all that back once I lose this big belly that’s been growing larger every single day. I want to know for sure that it wasn’t too early to start a family and that we’ll still love each other through the tough times to come. Baby is going to be so loved, and I don’t regret this decision at all, but just as much as I want baby in my life forever, I want my hubby too.

So it's week 34 - only 6-7 weeks to go!  I still haven't had any feelings of anxiety, which I feel is unusual for me.  I'm someone who worries about everything and yet I have no worries about the next few weeks.  I guess that's because I feel certain that I can successfully perform (not sure that's the right word) the tasks set before me.  I'm strong, in good physical (and mental - I hope) shape and confident in my abilities as woman.  I know that baby is going to be a healthy little girl and that I will be a good mother to her.  And not to mention she'll have the best daddy in the world.